It Ends with Us

Names aren’t something we eventually grow out of, Lily Bloom.”

Life is a funny thing. We only get so many years to live it, so we have to do everything we can to make sure those years are as full as they can be. We shouldn’t waste time on things that might happen someday, or maybe even never.”

Imagine all the people you meet in your life. There are so many. They come in like waves, trickling in and out with the tide. Some waves are much bigger and make more of an impact than others. Sometimes the waves bring with them things from deep in the bottom of the sea and they leave those things tossed onto the shore. Imprints against the grains of sand that prove the waves had once been there, long after the tide recedes.

I’m just going to keep pretending to be okay. I’ll keep pretending to swim, when really all I’m doing is floating. Barely keeping my head above water.

Just because we didn’t end up on the same wave, doesn’t mean we aren’t still a part of the same ocean.

I cry so hard, I don’t even make a noise.

“From this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part.” Maybe those vows weren’t meant to be taken as literally as some spouses take them. For better, for worse? Fuck. That. Shit.

And I scale over these huge waves, each of them carrying something different. Some are waves of sadness. Some are waves of anger. Some are waves of tears. Some are waves of sleep.

I quietly grieve what could have been. What is. What wasn’t.

He thought he was giving me what I wanted, because all he’s ever wanted for me was happiness. And for some stupid reason, he’s never felt I could get that with him. Considerate Atlas.

“In the future . . . if by some miracle you ever find yourself in the position to fall in love again . . . fall in love with me.” He presses his lips against my forehead. “You’re still my favorite person, Lily. Always will be.”

Our eyes, locked together, speak more naked truths than our mouths ever have.

I crave weakness. I just want to be able to give up for a little while. I want her to take over and hug me and tell me it’ll all be okay. And for the next fifteen minutes while I cry in her arms, that’s exactly what happens. I just stop fighting for myself because I need someone else to do it for me.

“We all have a limit. What we’re willing to put up with before we break.

We become a sobbing mess of tears and broken hearts and shattered dreams.